So every day around 3pm, I go in the pantry grab the giant jar of Nutella and the Costco bag of pretzel thins and prepare myself for my afternoon meditation. I then stand at the island, stare either out of the window or straight ahead into the blank TV and zone out. I dip the pretzels thins into the Nutella, get a big glob and then stick another pretzel thin on top to make sandwich and if I run out of pretzels thins, I get a spoonful sprinkle a little sea salt on top and slowly eat. Then I put the spoon in the sink, get a fresh spoon and repeat.
Anyway, the other day during my Nutella meditation, I was thinking about how I didn’t set a new years resolution or even pick a word for 2020 and now it seems way too late and pretty much most definitely pointless in the way 2020 has decided to show up. But then the Nutella shot straight to my soul and said, “You are enough”.
I love mantras. I use them for meditation, I use them when I run, when I yoga, when I don’t want to yell at my family, after I yell at my family, before client calls, after school supply shopping, when my heart hurts or when my head might explode.
I don’t need to go into detail about the trash fire we are living right now, you’re with me, but it has lead me to very much want to obsessively control the things that are in my control. This has lead to self doubt, looping thoughts, not great sleep, more looping, random crying. Then Nutella gave me my 2020 mantra and I have had it on repeat ever since.
I am enough. I am doing enough. I am showing up enough. My kids have enough. My words are enough. My work is enough. I am enough.
This does not mean stagnation or sitting still and reveling in my enoughness, it means I am showing up right now with all I have to give and that is enough. I am doing the best I can with what I have to give.
I am doing the best I can with what I have. I AM enough.
PS 2020 will end. This phase of life will end. The good parts of it and the bad parts of it. Our job is to soak it all in, ring it all out and show up for the life we get to live. (that was a pep talk for myself)